Domestic Violins

i need redemption and i need it fast
my soul is being squashed
my programs are crashing and can no longer update themselves
everyone is laughing around me and i am smiling artificially
hoping they won't notice

it's too hot in here and too cold out there
and i'm shuffling in and out with cigarettes like a stupid cat
eyes on the clock and praying for bedtime
so i can somehow take a break that never happens
cause as soon as it starts it's
MORNING TIME AGAIN
and once again I reinvigorate the corpse
to walk the hallways some more
trudge trudge through 'cause that's all there is
but if this is all there is
i
want
out.

The Unobtainable Paradise of Becoming a Broken Clock

amidst this morning's nervous breakdown
i finally figured out what i'm really afraid of:

time

if i could just stop time
then i could actually relax
because i would finally
not be able to be
doing the wrong thing
anymore.

What an Asshole

It's not you, it's me
'cause for me there is no you
so you don't have to feel sad
right?
'cause you don't exist anyway!

It's not you, it's me
'cause there is no me for you
'cause the me that wants to
hold you
kiss you
and listen to your stories
is not me at all
so you don't have to feel bad
right?
'cause I never existed
in the first place!

seriously, though:
it's not you, it's me.
you are perfect in every way
just not perfect enough
for me.

Girls Make Me Sad

'cause it's always the same horror show
unable to say no
wanting so bad to save them from the fire
but, just prolonging things 'til there is no choice
but to let them drop

one
by

one.

and the ones that would drop
me
never get the chance
'cause they have the decency
to never hold my hand in the first place.

Is it so hard
to find a face
that I want to frame forever in my hands
with a brain inside
that will dance with mine?

Must be:
'cause it's always the same horror show
I swear to fucking god
the little white lies
her's and mine
slowly piling up
building up
swelling up like a boil
like a cyst filled with the vomit
of undigestible desire
that eventually bursts
either lacerated open by a chance honest comment
or simply pouring forth its hellish bile
all on it's own.

Girls make me sad
'cause if it's not their heart it's yours
and either way
everyone's gotta pay the price.

Vanity?

What makes me love vintage cars
and vintage clothes
and vintage photographs
and old houses
and vintage abandoned coal mining equipment
and yet not let me love
rapidly-becoming
vintage me?

Word to This

word to this and word to that
word to dogs and word to cats
and word to all the tiny little gnats..

word to your mother and word to your dad
word to public enemy and jj fad
word to when i'm happy and word to when i'm sad..

word to the coffee and word to the gin
word to this broed out state i'm in
word to the silence between the words
and word to the sounds that are not heard..

word to the morning and word to the night
word to that shit you know ain't right
and word to all that shit that's hella tight
word to all of this, aight?

anxiety

is a more nervous form of depression
and depression is a more low-key form of
anxiety. 

smoke follows beauty

inasmuch as that's all that's left
after you burn it down.

money

is the root of all
necessary evils.

silliness

is "god's" answer to seriousness... and vice versa...

forgive me

as i dive into the blogosphere
and let the reality of what this
masturbatory exercise
is
and has always been
rear forth its
ugly tragic
head.

alcohol is truth
because my life is a lie

The End of the Line

when no inspiration strikes

finish what you've started
and intended to finish
and if you

really

manage to finish all of that
and then STILL don't have any ideas

you're fucked.